Unguarded Moments

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I remember the moment like it happened yesterday. I was curled up on the couch, engrossed by a chapter in “The Girl on The Train” while my Starbucks sat on the table getting cold. I had reached the big reveal towards the end of the book and audibly gasped as I read the last few pages, twice over for good measure. It was certainly NOT the ending I had anticipated but an ending that left me thinking for a few days. As much as I had hoped the author would give us the ending we wanted, I realized there are going to be things in life we just can’t control. But rather than moping about and complaining that I didn’t get the ending I had hoped for, I started to realize that the one thing I am always in control of is my attitude towards situations. Life is always going to throw you curveballs, good or bad, but the true test comes in how you respond.

It was definitely an “ah-ha” moment for me, considering the first few weeks of 2016 have been nothing like I had intended. Allow me to elaborate a bit:

For starters, I spent New Years Eve alone for the first time EVER; something I never thought I’d be comfortable with. The guy I had been dating was “too tired” after snowboarding to hang out so I bought some wine, popped in Monty Python and The Holy Grail and snuggled up with my dog. Although starting off 2016 alone wasn’t exactly what I had planned, it actually ended up being one of the best New Years Eve’s I’ve ever had; not to mention I was in bed by 11:15 PM! While I’d like to credit this night for being the catalyst for the next couple weeks, I don’t think it deserves all the credit.


In the following weeks, I got out of a toxic relationship, road-tripped to Utah with some of my favorite girlfriends and made some big decisions that are about to change my life quite dramatically. I can’t quite reveal what they are just yet, so you’ll have to accept the suspense until I’m ready to spill the beans. But I promise it’s worth the wait! And I can’t make that announcement without thanking Heidi, who has shown me it’s ok to be a little crazy and break the rules sometimes. We all need that person to push us over the edge when we’re not sure we’re making the right choice, and she’s been that person for me!

I’ve gotten to a place in my life where I feel excited and hopeful about it’s current direction but have also become complacent about other aspects. To me, complacency has never been a positive emotion and has always signaled that it’s time for a change. It tells me that I’ve fallen out of love with something I used to be head over heels for and that makes me sad. Those of you who know me know I am a very emotional person and feel a lot more than most people are willing to admit to. I believe life should be full of adventure and new experiences and if you’re not constantly challenging yourself, you’re doing it wrong.


Now, I don’t want to sound like a hypocrite for saying I need to be challenged everyday yet constantly feel complacent because I understand those contradict each other. What I’m trying to relay is that I’m in need of a new challenge; something to push me beyond my comfort zone. While it’s scary to admit that it’s time to break out of my shell, it’s also exciting. I get to be 100% unapologetically me and I don’t think I’ve ever allowed myself to be this vulnerable and open to new things.

I’m broken, bruised and terrified. But I’m also elated, strong, persistent, passionate, loving life and ready for change. So bring it on 2016, bring it on.

1 thought on “Unguarded Moments

  1. Heidi Kumm

    Uh oh…welcome to the dark side.

    Just go with what makes you happy. If you’re not sure what it is try a few things until something jumps out at ya. I’m still doing that trying thing…I’ll let you know if it ever works! 😉


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